First time for everything

Jamie felt the familiar burn of the liquid, forming a slithering trail of warmth inside her go down her throat. The thought of its rancid taste was long gone… how long exactly? She thought. She wasn’t sure. Maybe it was a month ago… or was it a year?
How long has it been since he left her?
The thought of his smiling face, her brushing her fingers through his coarse, curly brown hair came into her mind. She felt something wet drip against her face.
Wait no, that’s tears, she noticed, scoffing gently.
If only he saw how pathetic she looked right now, would he come back? Would he feel sorry for me? Spoke her thoughts, forming a troubled cloud above her head.
NO, yelled the other voice. YOU MUSN’T GIVE IN.
She didn’t want to feel pathetic; she didn’t want to just wallow in her sorrows by drinking. She knew that this would lead nowhere.
But where is somewhere? What do you even want to do? What is left?
She had to keep up this fight, every moment, every second until she knew she would be safe from his memory.
‘Jamie, you’re beautiful’ echoed his voice, seeping back into her mind.
‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?’ she screamed, flailing her arms in the air helplessly, letting herself fall into the trap.
Jamie forgot now, about the fight. She forgot about how only moments ago, she had warned herself against feeling like this.
Tears trailed endlessly against her face, no longer inducing any reaction from Jamie.
The buzz was building up, she could feel it.
She could feel the blurring of her surroundings, as she left all hope of sanity, of control.
‘Matt, I miss you’ she whispered, before falling asleep, leaving this world behind even if it’s only for a short while.